Miss Independent

For the past three or so years, I seriously believed in "I'm only me when I'm with you". I felt so comfortable with my boyfriend at the time and I viewed him as my second half. The peanut butter to my jelly. The ping to my pong. After a complete shattering of my heart, I slowly started to realize that as much as I thought I'd found myself, I had hardly even taken the first step on my journey to discover the person I am and want to be. I had barely gotten my foot in the door. Obviously it took some time to start to move forward from a nearly three year relationship, but I started to and I am continuing to. Believe it or not, despite the sting of the pain every so often, I'm more excited than ever to be by myself. Especially at my age, going through my college years, this is the time where I need to figure out who I am without spending time and focusing all my energies on being with someone else. I don't have to worry about missing him when he's gone for a little while, or making sure we're on the same page, or worrying about what he's doing, or putting his happiness before my own. Now, this is coming from a complete hopeless romantic. I really love everything love and when I love I love hard. So, it's really saying something for me to say that right now its important that I stay single for a little while. I've realized that it's really important for most to have that some point in their growing-up years where they can separate and grow on their own. I'm not saying that anyone should by any means break-up with their significant other just to try out being by themselves if something is working really great, but maybe step away and travel or do some different things without your other. You might discover new things that you might love that you can grow from. I think its absolutely amazing for two people to go through these changes and be able to stay strong. Its truly a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, that didn't happen in my case. But, instead of looking at it as a curse, I'm taking the "everything happens for a reason" route in saying that it is a blessing. I still might not know the exact reason, but I'm sure I'll find it. I've already started to open up more and feel more comfortable being myself. I can only hope everyone goes through a time where they are truly happy and feel free to do whatever they want to do and be whoever they want to be. It's really a fantastic feeling. I encourage everyone to take a minute out of their day and ask themselves a question like, "am I who I want to be?", "what can I do next?", "what adventure should I take tomorrow?", "how can I be the best me that I can?", "am I happy? How can I change anything that's making me unhappy?" Answering these questions and acting on those answers can turn your whole world around in a great way. So, find yourself. Be whoever you want to be. Do whatever you want to do that's going to fulfill you. Making changes can be hard, but if you think it'll help you be the best version of yourself you can be, trust me - it will be worth it. Love yourself, and you'll find so much more love in everything else. I can honestly say that I am. I am learning more and more as my days pass by.

Advice... Take It or Leave It?

     Well, that's up to you. If you haven’t noticed, a lot of my more in depth posts are about self-empowerment, doing what you want and how you want to do it, and simply being who you are. After going through a whirlwind of a fall semester emotionally, I’ve recently realized that I need to start taking my own advice. Now, from the outside, it’s easy for someone to say ‘why wouldn’t you do that in the first place?!’ But inside the crazy world that I call my brain, it’s a lot harder than it looks.
     Anyone can give advice and anyone can listen to it; the hard part is following it through. I am the first one to admit that even as much as you want to, the first step to doing what you believe is right when it’s against what your heart wants is the most difficult step of all. “Follow your heart” is a famous piece of advice that many take very seriously. A large amount of people insist on following your heart and only your heart. But personally, I think that your mind is there for a reason. Yes, you can’t live without your heart. But, you also can’t live without your brain. They are both vital to your being. Without one, you’re not alive. Where I’m going with this is that they are hand-in-hand, and I think they should be treated that way. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t follow your heart. I’m saying that you shouldn’t blindly follow it. I think that if there is really an overwhelming part of your mind that is telling you that you should or shouldn’t do something or you should or shouldn’t take someone’s advice (even if it’s your own), you should probably at least give your brain a chance and listen and consider (who knows, it might even lead to a change of heart). In doing this, it makes it that much easier to take that first step.
     I want to make a point that I’m not saying you should ever question what you feel, because that is something that you simply cannot control. No matter what anyone says, you can’t control how you feel. You either feel one way or you don’t. That’s that.
     But, I am saying that you can control how you act and look at situations. That is where your brain comes in. So, whether you want to take advice or simply ignore it, that’s your call. As for me, I think I’m going to start listening to my brain a little more and my heart a little more. Yes, I said more for both. Most of all, I think that I’m going to start taking my own advice. I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m not going to care what people think about me. I’m not going to let what other people want dictate my actions or feelings. I’m going to accept what I feel and accept what I don’t. I’m going to be the best version of me that I can be. Whether you want to follow my lead, or take someone else’s advice, that decision is all you. Just make sure it’s what your heart and mind truly want – not what someone else wants of you.

"Love Who You Love With All That You Have"

Everyone that knows me knows that I absolutely love the idea of, the feeling of, and everything that has to do with love. I feel this way because love is extremely powerful. Love can be overwhelmingly strong and fierce, but love is also very gentle. A lot of people constantly search for one type of love and get so consumed with their search that they don't realize the major amount of love that surrounds them in the first place. Love can be your favorite song coming on the radio at just the right time on a perfectly sunny day. Love can be that feeling you get when you are at your favorite place in the world. Love is an extraordinary thing, and there are many types. There is that soul-mate love that everyone searches for where you find someone who you want to surround yourself and be intimate with forever; then there's that love you are born with for your family and friends where you don't even realize how powerful it is until you figure out that you wouldn't be who you are today without those people. But, then there's that love for everything else; every little thing that you fall for and sincerely enjoy. This kind of love could be anything. It could be the look on your dog's face when you go to take him outside. It could be the color of your favorite shirt. It's the little things. I believe that all loves, although different, impact you in the greatest way. I also believe that it's right when people say that you don't know what you have until it's gone. Or, well, you might, but that doesn't stop you from taking it for granted sometimes. We, as humans, get so used to all of these loves being in and around our lives that we figure it's just supposed to be that way and we never stop to ask ourselves: who would we be without them?

Who would I be without my pets greeting me every time I come home? What about without being able to breath the fresh fall air into my nose as the leaves start to fall? Who would I be without the feeling of peace I sometimes feel the second before I fall asleep? I don't know. Maybe miserable. Or, maybe I would appreciate different little pieces of love more.

Love is all over the place. Love surrounds you. But, what's the main reason why I like love so much? Love can be felt through anyone or anything. You have the ability to fall in love with whoever and whatever you want. So, instead of focusing on searching for one type of love, maybe right now everyone should focus on appreciating all the other things we love. To unconditionally love who and what you love is to be yourself. Being yourself is a great feeling.

"Who Made You The King Of Anything?"

Throughout high-school people say that once you're out,  everyone is much more mature. Not as much drama and stupidity. I only half agree. Yes, people are more grown up, but I think that that comes with a whole new world of happenings. Just more adult-y happenings. Instead of someone being upset that they can't go out this weekend because they got in trouble for grades or disobeying their parents in some way, someone is upset because maybe someone hooked up with someone's ex-lover or someone realized how incredibly fake some people can be.

I, personally, try to veer away from people I don't get "good vibes" from for my own well-being. But, when you're from a small town like me, it's hard to avoid every single situation. Especially when everyone seems to find out everything about everyone's lives.

But, there is always going to be that one person that sticks out. Normally, that one girl. But that one boy or girl who is the Queen (or King) of everyone else's lives. Obviously, they know best about your life. Even more than you do, right? Well, at least she (or he) thinks so anyway. That person is going to frustrate you more than you can ever imagine. It's hard to let someone like that's words go right in one ear and out the other. It's very hard. Especially when you're my age still learning about yourself and who you want to be. Most of the time it goes in one ear and floats around your brain for a while, taking its sweet time, letting maybe one or two words slip out the other ear every once in a while until one day the time that has passed will let the thought completely disappear. I believe that it doesn't make you weak when this happens to you. People rely so much on other people, what they think, and even just communication from one person to another now-a-days that if we didn't have people telling us all of their opinions and criticisms, even the ones about our lives, something wouldn't feel right and we would end up thinking that they're holding back and we would want to know more. Although, what a world that would be... without being harshly criticized by someone who has no say in your life. I think that sounds great! But like I said, I don't think it makes you weak when the words of other's bothers you to a point where you could get so upset that you either want to cry or punch someone. I actually believe it can make you stronger. Every time you go through these situations you get a little more wise. Every time, you start to realize that people are going to say what they are going to say and you're going to realize how much you hate the emotions that you start to feel to the point where you never want to feel them again. Once you realize this a little more each time one of these situations comes along, you will slowly start to care less and less because you'll start to focus on how happy you want to be, and probably are, thinking your own opinions rather than believing the opinions of others.

So, next time the Queen (or King) starts to convince you that they know better, don't believe them. No one but you knows what's best for you. Hey, you can even look at it as a blessing - this critical person is making you stronger.

What Do YOU Want?

"You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, so you might as well just do whatever you want."

I love this quote. Kacey Musgraves sings it in her song "Follow Your Arrow". The reason why I love it so much is because it is so wonderfully true. No matter how old you are, what school or workplace you're in, what gender you are, no matter what, there is going to always be at least someone who disagrees with something that you say or do. Don't get me wrong, there are going to be people that support you, but those don't tend to be the people that you remember how they feel. So, my question is, if no matter what you do or say there is going to be someone that disagrees, why not just do whatever you want?

People go back and fourth so much when making greater decisions because they worry so much about what other people will think. Granted, if you're worrying about disgracing your entire family or something drastic, you probably want to consider the consequences of what people think. And there are people that mean a lot to you like friends and significant others that you may want to consider. But, everyone else? Who cares? Whatever you do, there will be someone there to criticize. I've gotten that point across. You just need to realize that you don't need to pay attention to those criticisms because if you don't consider these specific criticizers in the first place when making all other life decisions, then their honestly not that important to you.

I guess the moral of my blog post today is be yourself. Do what you feel. Because chances are, if you want to do something, it is because somehow it is going to make you feel better or happier in one way or another, and if something is going to give you a better feeling, why hesitate?